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Hey Brew,
Cape Town really said "hold my flat white" this week.
Between a mountain-scaling granny, a resurrected rodent, and some spicy geopolitics, we had whiplash. And just when we thought it was safe to relax — a beach buggy convoy is rolling through the Winelands.
Here’s what’s bubbling in the Mother City:
🐭 Back from the dead: The Boosmansbos shrew resurfaces after 46 years
✈️ Asylum or spicy PR stunt?: SA vs. USA gets awkward over Afrikaners
👶 Walk 270km for babies?: These legends did
⛰️ Granny climbs Table Mountain 64 times: She’s now legally tougher than you
🛺 Beach Buggy Run: Farm milkshakes, group photos & pizza convoy energy
Let’s first thank this week’s sponsor:
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Now let’s dive in:
🗞️ The Headlines
🐭 Shrew-prise! Tiny “Unicorn” Mammal Back From the Dead
Boosmansbos shrew: The Forrest Gump of rodents. After 46 years of ghosting scientists, this fluffball resurfaced in a forest near your last Tinder date’s hiking pic.
✔️ Why We’re Obsessed:
Scientists used helicopters, pitfall traps, and earthworm bribes (relatable).
Genetic testing incoming: “Is it a subspecies or just extra?”
Conservationists: “We’re basically Disney princesses now.”
→ Best Quote:
“It’s like finding a Zara sale in 2025.” — Dr. Marienne de Villiers, probably.
✈ SA vs. USA: Afrikaner Asylum Drama Gets Spicy
America: “Come here, persecuted Boers!” SA Govt: “Hold my rooibos.”
✔️ The Tea:
49 Afrikaners resettled as “refugees” over farm attacks, land grabs, and that one tweet.
SA’s response: “Our potholes are worse than our racism, thanks.”
AfriForum: [cracks knuckles] “We’ll build our own future! With biltong!”
→ Best Reactions:
“This is Brexit 2.0 but with more safari hats.” — @PoliticalJunkie
“Next: Trump declares ‘Boer Lives Matter’.” — @CapeSatire
👶 Blisters for Babies: Cape Town’s New Fitness Trend
Two legends trekked 270km in Spain to fund Tygerberg’s pediatric unit. Because walking Camps Bay promenade was too mainstream.
✔️ Why We Stan:
Goal: R1.2m for nebulizers, incubators, and washing machines (heroes don’t wear capes—they do laundry).
Spiritual angle: “Like Jesus, but with tiger teddy bears.” — Leone Malan
You: “Should I donate or just recycle my guilt?”
⛰️ Granny vs. Mountain: 64 Climbs, Zero Chill
Tania Morkel, 65, summited Table Mountain 64 times in 64 days after surviving an 18m fall. Take that, millennials.
✔️ Legend Stats:
Raised R103k for rescue crews.
Trauma counseling mid-hike: “I’m allowed to enjoy this, Karen!”
WSAR: “We’ll use the funds to not die during rescues.”
→ Best Quote:
“I’m basically Bear Grylls with a pension.” — Tania, probably.
💎 Hidden Gems & Local Legends
🍳 The Deli Social: Brunch with a Side of Farmcore Vibes
Hout Bay: Post-hike redemption in the form of smoked trout bagels, mac ‘n cheese focaccia, and French toast so decadent it’ll make your gym membership cry.
✔️ Why we’re obsessed:
Menu logic: “Why wouldn’t you stuff brioche with caramelized banana?”
Deli shelves stocked with local goods (read: adult candy store for foodies).
Pro tip: Split the bill and the carbs—this is a relationship test.
📍 Carb-load like a champ: Oakhurst Farmstall | Mon-Fri 8-5 | Weekends 8-4 (Yes, even after your 3rd “I’ll start keto Monday” lie)
🥐 Norfolk Deli’s “Crookie”: The Cookie-Croissant Lovechild We Deserve
Sea Point: The OG crookie—flaky, gooey, and worth the R45 guilt. Pair it with their coffee, which hits harder than your ex’s LinkedIn humblebrag.
✔️ Why we’re obsessed:
It’s a hybrid carb—like a Tesla, but edible.
They’ve mastered the croissant-to-cookie ratio (NASA-level precision).
“I’ll just have one bite” — said no one ever.
📍 Crumb-rade to glory: Mon-Fri 7-3 | Weekends 8-1 (Early birds get the crookie, night owls get regret)
🍵 Nice to Matcha: Where Sea Point’s Hot Girls Come to ~Vibe~
Sea Point: Ceremonial-grade matcha in flavors like sea salt caramel and mango. Your Instagram story needs this pastel cup—rent money can wait.
✔️ Why we’re obsessed:
Drinks so aesthetic, they count as a personality trait.
R80? Blame inflation and the urge to look ~chill~.
“Gluten-free guilt” is their middle name (along with “rent’s due”).
📍 Sip the ‘gram: Daily 7:30-4 (Closed during existential crises)
🍸 Aperitif: Spritz O’Clock on Bree Street
Bree Street: Swap load-shedding candles for Aperol spritzes and negronis. Snack on olives, cheese boards, and denial about your life choices.
✔️ Why we’re obsessed:
Feels like a Milanese alleyway (minus the €8 toll roads).
Ideal for dates where you’d rather talk about the weather than your career.
“I’m just here for the snacks” — you, lying to yourself.
📍 Pretend you’re fancy: Mon-Thu 12-11 | Fri-Sat 12-12 | Sun 12-9 (Yes, even on “I’m detoxing” days)
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🎧 Live Music & Entertainment
🌟 Featured Event of the Week
🛺 Wiehann’s Beach Buggy Run — Sunday, 18 May 2025
Roll out in style for a scenic beach buggy convoy!
We leave 9:30 sharp from Uys Krige Lookout in Plattekloof → grab coffee at Potbelly Pantry → cruise to Helderberg Farm for a farm-fresh milkshake, nursery stroll, and group photo at Strand Beach (framed pic included 🎁).
Then it’s pizza at Lourensford, and we finish with ice cream or waffles in Gordon’s Bay.
Friday, May 16
🎭 Hamlet @ The Masque Theatre
Shakespeare’s classic tragedy. Ghosts, daggers, and existential dread. What’s not to love?
🎤 Friday Night Live with Amy Ayanda @ KAYA Café
Chill tunes. Intimate venue. Good vibes only.
→ Tune in
🎉 FOKOFPOLISIEKAR #LastYearOfArmchair @ The Armchair Theatre
Legends. Loud. Local. It might be their last gig at this venue — don’t miss it.
Saturday, May 17
🎨 Paint Party Fundraiser @ 22 John Laguma Rd
Art, awareness, and community. All for a great cause.
🕺 SBK Afro-Latin Party (Black & White) @ 6 Spin St
Bachata, Kizomba, Salsa. Dress code: black & white. Vibes: all night long.
🎷 Jazz Aley @ Gorgeous George Hotel
Smooth jazz in one of Cape Town’s slickest rooftops. Yes, the cocktails are that good.
Sunday, May 18
🎶 Ensemble Strelitzia presents “Light and Shadows” @ Erin Hall
Classical and contemporary sounds in perfect harmony. Expect strings, soul, and stunning acoustics.
🌇 Everybody Loves Sundays @ Grand Daddy Boutique Hotel
Rooftop energy. Music, drinks, and sunshine. Just bring your best self.
🎸 Chitarra e Canto @ Hugo Lambrechts Music Centre
A magical afternoon of voice and guitar — music lovers, take note.
Monday, May 19
🍻 MONDAY’S CURE @ The House of Machines
Cape Town’s favorite live music wind-down. Good whiskey, better music.
🌱 ISF International Seed Congress @ CTICC
The future of agriculture — right here in Cape Town.
Tuesday, May 20
🎼 UCT Symphonic Wind Ensemble @ Baxter Concert Hall
Bold brass, woodwinds, and cinematic moments. Student talent on full display.
🎭 Happy Days are Here Again… Again! @ Playhouse Theatre Somerset West
A feel-good throwback with music, nostalgia, and charm. Back by popular demand.
🧠 Deepfakes, Digital Theft & AI Scams @ Innovation City
Navigate the dangers of AI with insights on protecting your digital identity and business.
Wednesday, May 21
🎭 Bitter Winter @ Baxter Studio (Opening Night)
A haunting drama about memory, silence, and survival. Runs until June 14.
🎹 Cosmic Piano @ Cafe Roux
Ambient keys, cosmic visuals, and vibes from another dimension.
🧘 Fungi Flow & Go @ InUWell, V&A Waterfront
Start your day with mindful movement, mushroom insights, and waterfront views.
Thursday, May 22
🎸 Francois Van Coke @ Kapstadt Brauhaus Blouberg
The rock legend hits Blouberg for one electric night. Local fire.
🍻 BeerEx Africa 2025 @ Makers Landing
Craft beer, bold brewers, and the future of fermentation.
🎭 District Six – The Musical @ Protea Heights Academy
A youth-led tribute to Cape Town’s past. Moving, raw, unforgettable.
😂 Meme of the Week
When brunch goes from Eggs Benny to Fast & the Curious in 3.5 seconds.
Got a meme that captures Cape Town’s wild spirit?
Tag it on Instagram or Reddit with #CPTBrew for a chance to be featured in next week’s edition.
Alright Brew, that’s your scoop.
From fluffball comebacks to boomers out-hiking the youth, Cape Town’s truly in main character mode.
Big love to every local hero, jazz fanatic, spritz enjoyer, and confused tourist trying to summit Lion’s Head in Crocs — we see you.
Got a rant, a gem, or a local business you want 8,000+ readers to know about?
Hit reply. We’re all ears (and inbox).
~ The CPT Brew Team ☕🌊
